right! here we go! it seems, that in these passing times, it has become fashionable, nay, perhaps even (scoff!) required of goths very much like ourselves that they reflect upon life itself with the most cynical and morose of countenances. we, the perkygoths of the world, stand in the face of this, and reclaim our heritage as follows!

1. we realize, and perhaps even declare publically, the simple fact that our attire and decorative tastes are downright silly, yet in the face of this impractical and sometimes even inconvenient nature of things, we LAUGH! yes, all those skirts make the boys have to piss like girls, but hey! it contributes toward greater understanding between the sexes!

2. there is no "standard" behaviour or code of any sort for member of the so-called "underground", you silly gits! why, who ever thought of anything so bleeding preposterous?! if i want to skip across the dance floor to see a friend, well damn it all, im going to! and about that smile i was wearing last week at the club, yes, it was mine! no, my mother did not make me wear it!

3. um, just cause i look like a "goth" right this very instant does not preclude me not looking like a goth sometime tommorrow. after the shock and horror of this realization passes by, you will note that its actually quite fun to inject a little variety into things.

4. on that note, neither are we required to listen *solely to "goth" or "death rock" or "darkwave". we are, however, allowed to physically assault the next person who scowls at us for slapping that p-funk, hard techno, or riot grrrl record on the turntable immediately after playing sisters or somesuch.

4.5. and while im thinking about it, were also allowed to clobber anyone at a club who whines about the dj playing too much "goth" and not enough "death rock" or something of that ilk.

5. but, if theres one thing we mustnt ever do, under any circumstances, it is lord our knowledge over that of others. if there is a sin, dear perkygoths, it is self-righteousness and pomposity. we simply mustnt go out and wave all that nifty info we just read out of good old mr. mercers handy-dandy goth guide as if wed known it all along. cause face it, most of us werent even there when half of that stuff happenned. (there are exceptions, of course, but they arent allowed to lord their knowledge either, nor are they supposed to reflect in a nostalgic and whiny manner)

6. oh! right! back to perky! um, stomping in mud puddles in perfectly acceptable. dancing and realizing that you look like a complete idiot is heartily encouraged. continuing to dance, no matter how many other people are also noting that you look like an idiot, is even more heartily encouraged. remember kids, the looks or the lifestyle? the lifestyle, of course. youre a perkygoth. dont just look like a looney, act like one! its much more fufilling than primping in a mirror all night.

7. um, i forgot the rest. probably didnt even think of them to begin with. ive prolly lied about everything so far. uh, am i getting paid to do this? what was i saying?

7.5. just remember, fun is your middle name. or at least its somewhere in your vocabulary. whatever youre doing, think to yourself: "am i having FUN?" if no, time to do something else. a short attention span means you dont have time to get bored and mope!